The #drwhochat Quotefile

Volume II, Issue V: May 1998

Compiled by Nathan Roberts

Fri May 01 [02:42]
*** Starfury is now known as Nimue
*** Nimue is now known as Nimue_
*** Nimue_ is now known as Starfury
<Starfury> oh well
*** Starfury is now known as ArthurDent
*** ArthurDent is now known as Arthur
*** Arthur is now known as Arthur^
<Arthur^> bother
*** Arthur^ is now known as Starfury
*** Starfury was kicked by Starfury (Niq flood (3 nicks
    in 18secs of 30secs))
*** Starfury has joined #drwhochat
<AldenB> Hahahahahahahahahhaha!
<Starfury> LOL!!!
 * AldenB ROTFLS!!!!!!
<Starfury> ROTFL!
 * Starfury dies laughing
<AldenB> Becky: A little kickhappy tonight? ;-)
[Star seems to be her own worst enemy.]
Sat May 02 [14:39] <Whomiga>
Still waiting for clearance to land Nathan?
Sun May 03 [0:34]
 * AldenB is waiting for Soggyworld to be on.
<AldenB> Sorry, Waterworld.
Sun May 03 [1:08]
<AldenB> Dammit, where's the Prof when I need him? :-)
<AldenB> Here, Proffy, Proffy.
<Nathan_Roberts> Alden: The best way to summon Prof is to talk about his
                 wife :)
 * AldenB puts down a trap and baits it with a Beanie.
<Nathan_Roberts> Eep!  I see him online on ICQ
<Doc8> Nathan: How do you do that? :)
 * AldenB baits it with a picture of Lis Sladen in a bikini.
<Nathan_Roberts> Do what?
<Whomiga> Better be careful that you don't summon The Profess!
 * Doc8 wants a pic of Lis in a bikini!
<AldenB> Doc8: If there is, Porf will find it. :-)
Sun May 03
<Nathan_Roberts> Doc: Let's just say, your point was completely lost on me...
<AldenB> Like a pencil under a desk, his point was completely lost.
Sun May 03 [1:28]
 * AldenB realises that his jokes are going over Doc8's head.
 * Doc8 looks up... Oh, dear,there goes one.
 * Doc8 tries to catch one of Alden's jokes, but they're too far over
   my head!!
 * Doc8 jumps on the chair to try to catch one of Alden's jokes, but
   they're still too far away.
<Doc8> K9! Oh, K9!
<K_9> Yes, Master?
<Doc8> I've told you not to call me that, K9.
<K_9> Much apologies, Master.  What do you require?
<Doc8> Eh?
<Doc8> Oh, I need you to create a magnetic levitation field with your
       static servomechanisms so I can catch one of Alden's jokes.
<K_9> Affirmative, Master.  One moment...
 * Doc8 doesn't notice the "Master" comment, he's concentrating on Alden's
   joke, fluttering away. :)
 * Doc8 starts to rise as K9 creates his maglev field...
<Doc8> Just a bit farther, K9... Just a bit farther...
 * Doc8 goes on tiptoe... Got it!
 * Doc8 takes the joke and reads it as K9 lowers him down and returns to
   the TARDIS.
<Doc8> Oh... Hmmm....
<Doc8> Alden?
<AldenB> Yers..?
<Doc8> Your joke... I didn't get it. %)
Sun May 03 [2:19] <Whomiga>
I test how my pages look under Netscape on that machine
Then yell at Netscape for making it look like Shit - and just blame
Netscape and leave it the way it is
Sun May 03 [15:35]
<Noo-Noo> What do you call a dinosaur with no eyes...?
<Random_Mac> dnosaur
Sun May 03 [22:23]
<Doc8> But for right now, it's glasses... I don't believe in contacts.
<Doc8> With my coordination, I'd probably stick a lens up my nose rather
       than my eyes.
<Whomiga> Smell better with a lens up youyr nose?
Sun May 03 [22:26]
<Drake> time for all sane people in Florida to go to bed.................
<Nathan_Roberts> That mean you're staying up Drake? :)
Sun May 03 [22:27]
*** Drake has quit IRC (Quit: so...if i cut the red wire,it should defuse
    the bomb....ok here goes nothi..........................)
<Whomiga> Not the red wire....Geez he keeps cutting the wrong wire!
Sun May 03 [22:33]
 * TalusL sneaks into chrisk's TARDIS, goes back in time and saves Adric,
   then brings Adric back to annoy chrisk.
 * Whomiga gives Adric an insoluble mathematical problem and tells him to
   go solve it in the corner
Sun May 03
 * Nathan_Roberts looks at Adric like he's nuts
<TalusL> Uh Nathan, don't people normally look at Adric that way?
Mon May 04 [2:12]
<Nathan_Roberts> Jesus, the IE explorer is such a piece of crap
<TheProf> Jesus is not here. Try #Christians.
<Nathan_Roberts> Actually, since I'm talking about Microsoft, it would be
                 more fitting to address Satan.
Mon May 04 [2:23] <The_Sentry>
Satan, Microsoft Chat is a big 'ol piece of crap...
Mon May 04 [2:27]
<Nathan_Roberts> Aha!
<Nathan_Roberts> Eureka!
 * AldenB pulls Nathan's plug out.
*** TheProf has quit IRC (Connection reset by peer)
<Nathan_Roberts> Wait, you didn't pull mine!  That was Prof's plug!
Mon May 04 [2:39]
<BeanieProf> A few years ago I played the greatest joke on my wife.
<AldenB> What's that?
<Nathan_Roberts> You married her? :D
Mon May 04
<Nathan_Roberts> Crap
<chrisk> That's not an order, is it Nathan?
Mon May 04 [21:20]
 * Shel wonders where nathan is when she has a question...
<Drake> Nathan answer: yes in my experience the computer does smoke
        and go poof.........
<Doc8> Especially when you try to run 16 browsers at once. :)
<Drake> :)
<Doc8> **WARNING** Do not try that at home.  Nathan is a trained
       computer crash-test dummy.
<Doc8> You could learn a lot from a crash-test dummy.  Don't run 16
       browsers at once. :)
Mon May 04 [22:12]
<Whomiga> It's also one of the few VCR's that had 6 Heads - not the 4 like
          most "good" VCR's have today
<Whomiga> Tough to find 6 head VCRs now
<chrisk> My father's was a 6-head too
<chrisk> Though I think the extra 2 were only used for special effects
 * MegL has heard of 8 headed one also
<TalusL> VCRs by Hydra, how many heads *do* you want?
Tue May 05 [1:07]
 * TheProf has a Slurpee and you folks don't :oP
 * AldenB slaps Prof on the back, slopping his slurpee.
<TheProf> Hello to all the beautiful folks and hi to the rest.
<Nathan_Roberts> Prof: Did I tell you what I did?
<TheProf> What did you do?
<Nathan_Roberts> In a fit of insanity, I went and installed Internet
                 Explorer 4.0.  Shell extensions and all.
 * TheProf chokes on his Slurpee!
 * AldenB sedates Nathan.
 * AldenB puts Nathan in a straitjacket for his own protection.
<TheProf> the profess slaps the prof on the back to help him, and
          adroitly steals his slurpee at the same time
 * TheProf tells Nathan not to play with things he doesn't understand and
   thus also takes Nathan's microwave, vcr remote and clock radio away
   from him.
<Nathan_Roberts> Watch it.
Tue May 05 [1:15]
 * Nathan_Roberts is getting carried away by all this Internet Explorer stuff
<Nathan_Roberts> My taskbar has a quicklaunch toolbar on it, an internet
                 toolbar, an accessories toolbar, and a URL address bar
                 (which BTW pulls up Netscape and not IE when I enter
                 something into it :)
<Nathan_Roberts> I also have 3 active desktop items
<BeanieProf> So do I but one is a cat.
Tue May 05 [1:17]
 * Nathan_Roberts looks at Prof blankly
<BeanieProf> Your normal look really
<AldenB> Oooooooooooh!
 * Nathan_Roberts looks at Prof sternly
 * AldenB senses trouble between Nathan and Prof.
 * BeanieProf looks at Nathan Shirly.
 * Nathan_Roberts looks at Prof blankly again
<BeanieProf> I.........oops. I suddenly ran out of witty things to say. I
             need to make a run down to Wits R Us. brb
 * Nathan_Roberts glares at Prof
 * MegL thinks nitWits R Us >;-) j/k
 * AldenB goes to half-wits R Us andpicks up John Long.
<BeanieProf> The 7 Faces of Nathan Roberts. You only left out Dopey.
Tue May 05 [1:33]
[Current topic: Becky's ear infection]
*** AldenB changes topic to "Tonight on #DrWhoChat - bodily functions!!"
<TheProfess> double yuck!!!
<AldenB> And our next game for this evening: Name that Body Fluid!
 * AldenB drops a bottle of yellow fluid on the table.
 * KingSpyder zaps AldenB
 * TheProfess helps kingspyder
<MegL> Well if he's going to spill lemon windex, he can clean the windows ;)
<AldenB> Anyone want to see my cranial fluid? ;-)
 * KingSpyder cracks AldenB over the head with a bat.
<AldenB> Ouch!
 * TheProfess says--must have quite a lot alden, not much else in there
<Nathan_Roberts> Muahahahaha!
<Starfury> lol!
<AldenB> Ahem!
<TheProfess> now if alden had the ringing, we would know why, all that fluid
             sloshing around
<AldenB> The rumour that I think with the contents of my trouser
         is unjustified. ;-)
<TheProfess> (it would not be if talking about the prof)
<Starfury> that's right. Alden doesn't have a ferret in his trousers. he
           keeps it under his hat.
<Starfury> whenever he needs to make a descision he consults his ferret.
<TheProfess> hence ferreting out the truth??
<Starfury> thank you for actually making my rather lame attempt at humor
           actually funny.
 * AldenB tells his ferret: don't listen to those mean people.
Tue May 05 [2:09]
<AldenB> "Want to hear the most annoying sound in the world?" "Doctor, this
         isn't Heathrow!"
 * AldenB ducks behind the couch.
 * TheProf tips the couch over.
<TheProf> Hmmmmmm. Seems we have sqaushed kiwi.
 * AldenB twitches feebly.
<TheProf> You do most things feebly.
<TheProf> So does the Prof--The Profees
Tue May 05 [2:14]
[TheProf SOUND] crickets.wav
<AldenB> Got quite a cricket problem there, Prof.
 * Nathan_Roberts hurls a grenade at the crickets
<Nathan_Roberts> 4
<Nathan_Roberts> 3
<Nathan_Roberts> 2
<Nathan_Roberts> 1
[SOUND] explosion.wav
<Nathan_Roberts> Crickets go splat.
 * TheProf is flung acroos the room into the far wall. Painfully he crawls
   back to his computer and turns down the speakers he was fidling with when
   Nathan played that wav.
<Starfury> ouch =)
<Nathan_Roberts> You had plenty of warning!
<TheProf> I think you woke most of the Sacramento area nathan.
<TheProf> And parts of Stockton and Davis.
Tue May 05 [2:17]
 * Nathan_Roberts sticks a surge box on his head
 * Nathan_Roberts is sitting here with an empty 12-pack soda box on his head.
<TheProf> You finally found some use for your head! I am impressed.
Tue May 05 [2:37]
 * TheProf takes a twinkie and tries to draw nathan into the web site
   that is his hell.
<Nathan_Roberts> What site?
<TheProf> Hey Nathan!!!! Big web site on Windows 3.1! Go to
 * TheProf begins wistling.
 * TheProf begins to look for a hiding place.
<Nathan_Roberts> God, this site is full of crap
<TheProf> Beanies are not crap.
<Nathan_Roberts> Whatever.
<TheProf> They are cute, fuzzy balls of beans.
<TheProf> That talk to me at night
<TheProf> They tell me to do things
<TheProf> Horrible things
[This explains a lot...]
Tue May 05 [21:59]
<TheProf> Saw Deep Impact. The new Spielberg flick.
<TalusL> Prof: was it worth paying for?
 * TheProf It sucks.
<TalusL> thanks Prof, you just saved me $7
<TheProf> Whatever you do, do not pay to see it. The wife and I both thought
          it was a sad excuse for a movie. We are talking MST3000
          material here.
<TheProf> What really annoyed me is they made ice the villan again. First
          with Titanic and now here. Lets stop giving Ice a bad rap.
Wed May 06 [0:14]
<Nathan_Roberts> Good grief... Now I'm REALLY getting carried away with
                 these IE4 shell enhancements
 * AldenB exorcises Nathan.
<Whomiga> Nathan - You are going crazy - next I'll hear from you that you
          have got to have Win'98 when it comes out :^/
Wed May 06 [0:22]
 * Whomiga is waiting for Nathan to get addicted to IE4.0 and have to get
   Win'98 to kick the habit
<Nathan_Roberts> Who: Actually, getting Win98 would be a good thing.
<Nathan_Roberts> Now before you drop dead of a heart attack, all of you,
                 allow me to explain.
 * Whomiga drops dead - too late Nate!
<AldenB> Nathan: Too late for me.
 * KingSpyder gasps.
<Nathan_Roberts> Windows 98 has an expiration date, you see.
<Nathan_Roberts> So once it expires, I'll no longer have Windows 98, and I'll
                 no longer have Windows 95 either... I'll be forced to
                 fallback to Windows 3.1 again!
 * Nathan_Roberts suddenly gets delusions of adequacy
 * Nathan_Roberts laughs evilly!
<Nathan_Roberts> Windows 98 can save me from Windows 95!!!
<Whomiga> delusions of inadequacy, more like
 * Nathan_Roberts is nOw quItE iNsanE!
 * Nathan_Roberts stops laughing and begins to outright cackle!
<Whomiga> Insathan_Roberts?
*** Nathan_Roberts is now known as InsaNathan_Roberts
<Whomiga> or is than Insanthan
<InsaNathan_Roberts> I am a jeen-yus.
<InsaNathan_Roberts> Jeen-yus, eeeeeeeeeevil
 * InsaNathan_Roberts realizes that he's now quite wacky and goes to take a
   walk outside.
 * InsaNathan_Roberts is away (Taking a hike.)
<Whomiga> Kim - this is your chance to get Nathan to sign up for AOL!!!
[An all-out gunfight suddenly erupts]
<Gypsy> nathan: you know you want to!
<Gypsy> jooooiiiinnnnn aooolllll
<Gypsy> jooiiiinnn uss!!!
<Gypsy> come into the watah!
 * InsaNathan_Roberts suddenly sobers up
 * InsaNathan_Roberts makes a cross symbol at Kim
<AldenB> Kim: Muahahahaha!
<InsaNathan_Roberts> Anyway... I better go take that walk and get this
                     wackiness out of my system.
Wed May 06 [2:00]
*** Sandra_socks ( has left #drwhochat
<AldenB> Awwww, Sandra went away again.
*** Philip_Segal ( has joined #drwhochat
<Brig1963> Hey Phil!!
<AldenB> Why, hello Phil. :-)
<Philip_Segal> I have just signed a multimillion pound deal with the BBC to
               produce new WHO!!!!
*** Philip_Segal ( has left #drwhochat
*** Sandra_Socks ( has joined #drwhochat
<Sandra_Socks> did i miss much?
<Nathan_Roberts> Nah.  You just missed a flock of pigs flying overhead.
<Sandra_Socks> oic.
<Sandra_Socks> I just met Philp Segal on the way out, what did HE want?
<Nathan_Roberts> Just stopped by to gloat.
<Sandra_Socks> ok.
Wed May 06 [2:05]
*** AldenB is now known as Karen_McCoy
<Karen_McCoy> I have just signed a multimillion pound deal with the BBC to
              produce new WHO!!!!
*** Karen_McCoy is now known as AldenB
<AldenB> Sorry, had to do that.
Wed May 06 [2:19]
<Sandra_Socks> what's my pet name, Alden?
<Nathan_Roberts> Sandles? :)
<Sandra_Socks> Sandles!
<Brig1963> Sandles!
 * Brig1963 didn't know that Nate and Alden were the same person
<AldenB> Neither did I.
<Nathan_Roberts> Neither did I.
<AldenB> Thought I would explain the trouble I have withg Windows.
<Nathan_Roberts> Thought I would explain the trouble I have withg Windows.
<AldenB> Ever get the feeling someone is taking the piss?
<Nathan_Roberts> Ever get the feeling someone is taking the piss?
Wed May 06 [2:44]
<Nathan_Roberts>  I need to get to be
<Nathan_Roberts> d
<Nathan_Roberts> AEILUbhitb nojuyh8 uy8 h]spjythsr6ji90}
<Nathan_Roberts> >{"trtjkl;lu76yxpl;kjasdrg;iostl'kse;lkserkl;l st yd 9awb;
                 we5 hio;wtng
 * Nathan_Roberts bangs away on his keyboard
 * AldenB gives Nathan the award for most intelligent thing said tonight.
Thu May 07 [1:23]
<AldenB> Prof: Remind me of your real name so I can add you to my web page
         list. :-)
<TheProf> Bill Gates.
<AldenB> Thanks.
<AldenB> Hey... wait a minute!
 * TheProf is shocked he wasn't kicked on the spot.
*** TheProf was kicked by K^9 (Happy?)
Thu May 07 [22:32] <AldenB>
The quick brown dog jumped over the lazy fox.
<Nathan_Roberts> The quick brown fox ate the lazy dog
<Nathan_Roberts> The quick dyslexic fox jumps over the lazy God
<AldenB> The rapid tan fox took flight above the placid canine.
Thu May 07 [23:27]
*** TheProf is now known as Dr_Kevorkian__
 * AldenB runs from Prof.
 * IsraelBeta runs from Prof
<DrKevorkian__> I heard someone wasn't feeling well.
<DrKevorkian__> the profess runs from the prof--teehee
<DrKevorkian__> I never get invited to parties anymore.
<dse> anymore?
<DrKevorkian__> You sure nobody is feeling under the weather?
<IsraelBeta> Dr. K: No, we're fine, just fine, completely *FINE*!:)
 * DrKevorkian__ looks at Alden. He thinks Alen looks a little peaked.
<Whomiga> Absolutely the best we could possibly be!
<DrKevorkian__> Hmmmmm. Gummo you are really looking pail. Why don't you
                lie down and we'll see what we can do.
 * DrKevorkian__ straps Gummo to a chair.
<Whomiga> Ok - who's the wise guy that put the sand bucket over Gummo's head?
<DrKevorkian__> No really. Alden looks like a sand pail I had as a child.
<Gummo> Hey, if you're gonna get into that kinky stuff I expect to be wined
        and dined first.
Thu May 07 [23:37] <IsraelBeta>
Prof: Your rep doesn't preceed you, it barges into the room blaring a
trumpet and announcing your presence.:)
Thu May 07 [23:42]
 * TheProf is free! The wife went to bed.
 * Whomiga The Prof is free! - I'll take 3 to do all my chores around the
   house, thanks
Thu May 07 [23:48]
<TheProf> We have DWIA update!!!!!!!!!!!
<TheProf> Steve updated the site with my pictures!
<TheProf> Rats. He hasn't put the pictures up. He did the stats page.
 * AldenB looks at the stats and is interested to note that Bonnie gets
   more hits than Wendy.......
<TheProf> Lis would get more hits if she had a bikini picture.
<TheProf> I'm dead.
<TheProf> He is--the profess
<Whomiga> Prof did NOT say anything about those hits being from him - Did he?
 * TheProf is brought out on a cart.
<Nathan_Dvorak> Who: It's the thought that counts. >:)
<TheProf> I just happened to have a picture of Katy Manning on the moment
          she came in and as a matter of fact I made it wallpaper.
<Nathan_Dvorak> Not THE picture.....?
<TheProf> Can you say Naughty images?
<Nathan_Dvorak> THE picture!
<TheProf> Yes.
<Whomiga> Oh - Bad Prof!
<IsraelBeta> Prof: You just wrap the rope around your own neck, don'tcha?
 * TheProf raps a rope around his neck and stands on a chair.
<Nathan_Dvorak> Ok, I have no sympathy for you now.  If you're that
                careless, you deserve what's coming. >:)
<TheProf> Goodby cruel world.
 * Nathan_Dvorak kicks the chair
<TheProf> Sorry for the delay. The wife found the Tom Baker pictures.
<Nathan_Dvorak> Oh dear...
<TheProf> I'm kinda off the hook.
 * TheProf removes the noose before Alden kicks the chair.
<Nathan_Dvorak> Prof, I already did.
<TheProf> Figures Nathan would never miss a good lynching.
Fri May 08 [1:56]
<CrowTRobt> Did you hear the mexican weather forecast?
<CrowTRobt> Chile today. Hot tamale.
[BeanieProf SOUND] boo.wav
[SOUND] boo.wav
<BeanieProf> I had that boo wav all set up and ready to go.
 * AldenB wonders if Nathan has a boo button.
<Nathan_Roberts> No.... I've thought about doing that though
<Nathan_Roberts> But I'm out of buttons
 * AldenB hands Nathan needle and thread.
 * BeanieProf doesn't have buttons on his shit
 * BeanieProf franticly looks for an R.
 * CrowTRobt doesn't have shit on his buttons
<BeanieProf> SHIRT!\
<BeanieProf> Shirt! I meant shirt!
<AldenB> Hmm, that would be painful going to the toilet.....
 * BeanieProf would prefer not to think about it.
Fri May 08 [2:33]
 * AldenTRobot hears no evil, sees no evil, speaks no evil.
 * ProfTRobot speak no English.
Fri May 08 [2:34]
<ProfTRobot> From now on in this room I will only speak gibberish.
<NateTRobot> Prof, you never speak anything but.
<ProfTRobot> hhdkfhhr hehr hddbge jjffoto eerehrh Nathan.
<NateTRobot> Wow... Prof CAN make even less sense after all!
<ProfTRobot> Thank you.
<NateTRobot> My faith is restored
Fri May 08 [2:36]
<ProfTRobot> Star you are flesh and bone. You will be assimilated by the
<Starfury> flesh and bone? how insulting
<Starfury> I'll have you know I'm a fully-loaded small fighter class
           earthforce space ship!
<ProfTRobot> OK. Flesh and polyester.
<AldenTRobot> Becky: You should eat more. :-)
<Starfury> with FOUR PPG cannons
<ProfTRobot> Pea Popper Guns?
<Starfury> :P
*** CrowTRobot is now known as X-WingFighter
 * ProfTRobot quakes in fear of Star's Pea shooters.
<X-WingFighter> I am a space superiority fighter
<NateTRobot> /me dooms in fear
<AldenTRobot> PPG = Pretty Powerful Gun. :-)
<Starfury> ProfTRobot: beware... the manufacturing line guy couldn't spell
           and thought "pea" meant "pee"
<ProfTRobot> Pretty Pathetic Gun
<X-WingFighter> With 4 interlocked laser cannons and two Proton torpedo tubes
<ProfTRobot> She has the tubes but no torpedos.
Fri May 08 [2:54]
*** ^Tractorhead^ has joined #drwhochat
*** ^Tractorhead^ has left #drwhochat
<CrowTRobot> i read that as tractator head at first
<RavenTRobot> Someone has been watching too much Doctor Who
<TheProf> I read it as "I'm a moron"
Fri May 08 [3:02]
<CrowTRobot> I got my perv protection on tonight as well
<CrowTRobot> but mine kicks people that are on sex channels
<RavenTRobot> What kind of perv protection do you have?
<AldenTRobot> I have machine guns with motion sensors over the doors.
<TheProf> I use Perv Be Gone in the 5 gallon drum. Works great.
<CrowTRobot> It kick/bans people who jion and are on sex channels
<CrowTRobot> Perv Scan BAn
<AldenTRobot> Define sex channel.  Does it scan for keywords in the name?
<RavenTRobot> Mine is similar
<CrowTRobot> like #sex
<RavenTRobot> Mine scans for keywords in the name, but I have to hit the
              boot button before it kicks
<TheProf> I prefer to have the human make the final decission not the
          computer as far as kicks.
 * RavenTRobot makes the final decision...
 * RavenTRobot kicks Prof square in the butt
<TheProf> I have this mental picture of nathan doing this kung fu kick and
          sending some drooling pervert thru a window. It's rather a
          startling picture as well.
Fri May 08 [16:30]
<Whomiga> They showed a Bumper sticker that Prof better watch out for and
          prevent the Profess from getting "Will trade husband for beanies"
<TheProf> I've seen that. :o)
<TheProf> I've also seen "Will trade wife for Beanies."
<Whomiga> Has Profess?
<Whomiga> Need one - "Will trade offspring for Beanies"
<Nathan_Roberts> Or, "Will trade parents for Beanies"
 * TheProf makes one that says "Will trade Nathan for Beanies."
 * Nathan_Roberts fwaps the hell out of TheProf.
<TheProf> Trouble is I would only get offered Inch the worm for him.
 * Nathan_Roberts gives Prof a "Will work for beanies" sign
 * TheProf trades Nathan to the Gypsies for two beanies and a picture of
   Lis in a Bikini.
<Nathan_Roberts> The question now is, Which two beanies did I get sold for?
<TheProf> An inch the worm and an abused Quackers.
 * Nathan_Roberts trades Prof to the Gypsies for 5 magic beans
<Whomiga> Nathan, Prof was worth more than a cow?
 * Nathan_Roberts throws the beans out the window and waits for the
   beanstalk to grow
 * Nathan_Roberts looks out the window
<Nathan_Roberts> The beanstalk isn't growing!  I want Prof back!  Wait, no
                 I don't!
<TheProf> Nathan you'll never get rid of me. I'm like a bad panny.
 * Nathan_Roberts sees a tornado come along and drop Prof off... D'oh!
Sat May 09
 * TheProf hangs out a red flag and sounds the sirens to inform his
   neighbors that he is cooking as the U.N. ordered him to do in resolution
 * TheProf watches his neighbors flee like rats
*** Nathan_Roberts has joined #drwhochat
<TheProf> Ah, Nathan! Heard the siren and came for a cookie?
 * Nathan_Roberts fwaps Prof
<TheProf> What are you hitting me for?
<Nathan_Roberts> Because I can't sleep and need someone to pick on :)
<TheProf> Nathan you ate way to many paint chips as a child you know that?
 * Nathan_Roberts fwaps Prof harder
<TheProf> I was refering to this.
<TheProf> * TheProf hangs out a red flag and sounds the sirens to inform
          his neighbors that he is cooking as the U.N. ordered him to do
          in resolution #12768
<TheProf> All my neighbors flee when I cook except for Dr Kevorkian who
          comes over and asks if he can have a few of my cookies.
Sat May 09 [0:45] <TheProf>
Can you imagine your in an auto accident. Your in your car hurt and someone
yells "I can help! I'm a Doctor" and you see good old Dr Kevorkian coming
to your aid.
Sat May 09 [1:47]
 * TheProf does his Mr T impersonation.
<TheProf> This involves lowering his IQ by 67 points.
<AldenB> Who's your's or Mr T's? ;)
Sat May 09 [2:04]
<Nathan_Roberts> Nite Star
<TheProf> Night Star
*** Starfury has left #drwhochat
<TheProf> And good riddence to back rubbish.......oops.....I thought
          nathan was the one leaving.
 * TheProf waits for the abuse.
<AldenB> Gee, we're a bunch of backstabbers here, aren't we. ;-)
 * Nathan_Roberts fwaps the hell out of TheProf.
Sat May 09 [14:39]
<CrowTRobot> Nate when you got IE4 did you install netmeeting too?
<Nathan_Roberts> No, why?
<CrowTRobot> nevermind
<Nathan_Roberts> You want a new way to bug me, don't you? :)
Sun May 10 [0:10] <Nathan_Roberts>
I finally figured out what the "a" in "Windows 95a release" meant.
"Alpha" >:)
Sun May 10
 * Nathan_Roberts is playing with his browsers again
<IsraelBeta> Nathan: Careful, too much of that and you'll go blind.:)
Sun May 10 [21:57]
 * TalusL was thinking about leaving, but if you guys are gonne keep making
   me laugh, I'm gonna stay
<IsraelBeta> Talus: Well, hell, if everyone keeps feeding me
             straight lines...:)
 * Nathan_Roberts feeds Is a curved line
Sun May 10 [22:21]
 * Nathan_Roberts hits his keyboard with a large wooden mallet
<TalusL> one of these days the abused keyboards of the world are gonna rise
         up against their abusers, and man, Nate, are you gonna be
         in trouble.
 * Nathan_Roberts plans to kill all witnesses....
 * Nathan_Roberts gathers up all the keyboards in the house and burns them
<TalusL> ooh, a keyboard genocide, even worse!
 * Nathan_Roberts is gassed to death by the fumes of burning plastic...
Sun May 10 [23:09]
<TheProf> sorry all, the prof needs to go home now--the profess
<AldenB> Awwwww.
<TheProf> I'm not going anywhere.
<TheProf> I'm not leaving!!!!!
<CrowTRobt> oh boy a fight
<Nathan_Roberts> * TheProf has quit IRC (Exit pursued by a Wife)
 * CrowTRobt gets some popcorn
 * TheProf chains himself to the biggest thing in the room. Alden's ego.
<AldenB> Wait? I have an ego???
<Nathan_Roberts> Prof, shouldn't that be my ego?
<TheProf> Nathan I didn't have enough rope to go around your ego.
 * IsraelBeta chains The Prof to the biggest thing in the room.
   Nathan's mallet.:)
Mon May 11 [1:35]
[Poetic justice. :)]
 * TheProf starts talking about how dumb Deep Impact is some more only to be
   crushed by a piece of comet traveling thru his home at 40,000 mph,
   leaving a 1 mile wide crater where the Prof was sitting.
<Nathan_Roberts> Comet 1.  Prof 0.
Mon May 11 [12:20]
<Rubbermonster> Drake: Just about everyone I know think I'm a weird person
                for collecting DW and Godzilla movies... But you, you dear
                fellow, is way beyond me! ;)
<Drake> thankyou MrB :)
<Rubbermonster> Carry on... *sigh* :)
<Drake> Carry On is an acquired taste :)
<Rubbermonster> Drake:So is dirt, I suppose...
Mon May 11 [12:59]
*** Drake has quit IRC (Quit: so...if i cut the red wire,it should defuse
    the bomb....ok here goes nothi..........................)
<CrowTRobt> The blue wir... oh no! not again!
Mon May 11 [14:50]
<Noo-Noo> IE3, Opera, Netscape 3, Cello, NCSA Mosaic and Lynx.
 * Laa_Judi looks at Jason curiously. Has Nathan infected you too?
Tue May 12 [9:56]
<Rubbermonster> What's up?
<Nathan_Roberts> Uhhhh
<Nathan_Roberts> The National Debt?
<Rubbermonster> Stupd questions get stupid answers...
Tue May 12 [22:27]
*** HelloMyNameIsBrak has joined #drwhochat
*** Innocet is now known as HelloMyNameIsInnocetNiceToMeet
<HelloMyNameIsInnocetNiceToMeet> er close enuff
*** HelloMyNameIsInnocetNiceToMeet is now known as Innocet
*** Nathan_Roberts is now known as QuickSaySomethingProfoundIn30C
*** QuickSaySomethingProfoundIn30C is now known
    as SaySomethingProfoundIn30Charac
*** SaySomethingProfoundIn30Charac is now known as AhScrewIt
Tue May 12 [23:06]
<Nathan_Roberts> That's what you get for getting Windows 95 Software >:)
<TheProf> Yeah. Dos is the way to go............what am I saying!!!????
<Nathan_Roberts> Bwahahahahaha!!!
<Nathan_Roberts> Prof, there's hope for you yet. >:)
Tue May 12 [23:14] <TheProf>
The Doctor would be having an affair with both Tegan and Adric if it was
made today.
Thu May 14 [0:45]
 * TheProf hates Deja News
 * TheProf hates Deja News
 * TheProf hates Deja News
<dse> but how do you _really_ feel about it?
 * TheProf searches deep within himself and finds he hates Deja news.
Thu May 14 [21:46]
<Magic_Myrka> if we fight like animals, we .... die... like... animals...
<CrowTRobt> If... we... talk... like... Kirk... we... die... like... Kirk
Thu May 14 [22:23] <Vila>
Vigagra, the next best thing to an inflate-a-date.
Thu May 14 [23:31]
<Nathan_Roberts> Microsoft TARDIS: Where do you want to go yesterday?
 * Whomiga fwaps Nathan for putting MicroSoft and TARDIS in the same sentence
<NeilM> NR: And it runs about as well as most M$ products, too!
<Whomiga> Neil has a point though
<TalusL> Neil: ya know, MS involvement would explain the Nav system.....
<Whomiga> Then who worked on the Transdimensional system - definitly not
<Cryptkeeper> If Bill Gates had access to a TARDIS Win98 would have
              already have been out heh
<IsraelBeta> Neil, Nathan: You know, I just got this image of Doc8 and Sam
             walking away from that conference room where Bill gates tried
             to unveil Win '98, with the Doctor tossing a chip in the air
             and going "There, just the part that was needed".
Fri May 15 [0:52]
[I have just unveiled SJSPLAT.WAV]
 * Nathan_Roberts thinks evil...
 * Nathan_Roberts thinks ugly...
 * Nathan_Roberts thinks... MelSplat.wav
 * AldenB looks at Nathan and thinks... castration.
Fri May 15 [1:55] <AldenB>
Someone tried to email me a 6 meg file to my work account, which has 5 meg
meg limit..... It bounced, and they had to download the whole 6 meg message
just to dfind out my mailbox was full. ;-)
Fri May 15 [1:56]
<TheProf> My wife e-mailed me 17 megs once.
<TalusL> Prof: chore list?
Fri May 15 [2:22]
 * BeanieProf beats off rioters at his door.
<Nathan_Roberts> You sure those aren't just the Belgian troops again?
<AldenB> See, you can blame everything on Prof. ;-)
 * BeanieProf runs under the sofa and hides!
<TalusL> El Nino?  Yep, The Prof did it.  Asian Economy?
         Yep, The Prof did it.  TeleTubbies?  Yep, The Prof did it.
         Cancelled Doctor Who?  Sure the Prof didn't do that?!?
Fri May 15 [2:26]
<Jondar> Prof: why have you had Belgian UN troops coming to your door?
<TheProf> My cooking. They called it Cookies of mass destruction.
Fri May 15 [2:30] <TheProf>
My wife shows no confindence in my cooking though. Last time I said I was
cooking dinner she ran and broke out the extingisher. No confidence at all.
The fact that we needed it doesn't matter.
Fri May 15 [2:39] <TheProf>
My wife once asked me about #Cybersex. She had heard so much about it she
thought she wanted to see it. She picked the nick Tinkerbell. All these
guys thought here comes Julia Roberts and she had so many dcc chat requests
she was flooded off
<Nathan_Roberts> *** Tinkerbell has quit IRC (Connection reset by
                 numerous perverts)
Fri May 15 [2:57]
<Vicky_19> I just asked "Any Perverts wanna chat?" And I got one!!!!! someone
           called minty12.
<Vicky_19> lol!
<Vicky_19> and another!!!!
<Vicky_19> they're perverts, and proud of it!!!!!!!
 * TalusL wonders what response the Brig would get if he asked "Any perverts
   wanna be busted?"
<Nathan_Roberts> Talus: I had a similar thought...
<Nathan_Roberts> Someone comes in the room, asks "Any perverts wanna chat?"
<Nathan_Roberts> Then gets a bunch of responses.
<Nathan_Roberts> Then it turns out he's an AOP, he ops himself, and boots
                 out all the perverts >:)
<TheProf> Like walking into the enemy camp and yelling "Who is in charge
          here."  The person who speaks up you kill.
<AldenB> Nathan: I'd try that on #DrWhoChat, but I might kick out some
         of my friends. ;-)
Fri May 15 [3:19]
 * Nathan_Roberts ain't havin' no kids
 * TheProf is saving big bucks by only having cats.
Fri May 15 [3:27]
<Nathan_Roberts> schmehiukahkjlsdnfuhwaetjksaknbrkajshdkfbaioutgasdfjkertence
<TheProf> Language nathna!!!
Fri May 15 [3:45]
<Nathan_Roberts> We need to get the Profess and Sandra together now...
<TheProf> Nathan why do you want to torture Sandra?
Fri May 15 [23:26]
<AldenB> Are you busy at the moment, Nathan? :-)
<Nathan_Roberts> That depends.
<yatesy> alden: are you going to ask him to go steady?:)
Sat May 16 [18:25]
<FreeThinker> Starburst jelly beans?  If their jelly beans are half as
              good as their popcicles, they've gotta be great.
<Nathan_Roberts> I eat them like candy.  Wait a minute, they are candy!
<Nathan_Roberts> That was based on something my cousin once said
<Nathan_Roberts> He was talking about the bells at St. Marys church or
                 something in Moraga.
<Nathan_Roberts> We could hear them in his backyard.  He was saying that
                 (you can probably guess what's coming)
<AldenB> He eats chruch bells loike candy?
Sun May 17 [0:41] <CrowTRobt>
round and round the doctors lab the cyberman chased the adric. the adric
thought twas al-l in fun. Pop goes the adric
Sun May 17 [15:22]
*** Joins: TMR_CSL
<TMR_CSL> Eh-oh
<Nathan_Roberts> Hi Jason
<IsraelBeta> Hey Jason.
<IsraelBeta> Or more accurately, JasonUK.:)
<TMR_CSL> JasonUK (tm), please. =-)
Sun May 17
 * Nathan_Roberts is tired
 * Nathan_Roberts is sick
<Innocet> nods :(
 * Nathan_Roberts is sick and tired of being sick and tired
 * Nathan_Roberts is tired and sick of being tired and sick
 * Nathan_Roberts is tired and sick of being sick and tired
<Nathan_Roberts> And finally, the obvious fourth combination...
 * Nathan_Roberts is tired of being sick and tired of being tired and
   sick of being sick and tired of being sick
<Innocet> heh converse, inverse, something, and contraverse
 * Borusa thinks that Nathan is stuck in a loop 8-)
<Innocet> whats the four thingys in a truth table?
<Nathan_Roberts> Innocet: inverse, converse, contrapositive, and
                 convolutedverse :)
<Innocet> yeah thats it
<Nathan_Roberts> The last one wasn't one of them :)
<Innocet> senility strikes at the oddest times...
<Innocet> yeah i know - i remember now
<Nathan_Roberts> But I think it nicely describes the one I gave above :)
<Innocet> exactly :)
Sun May 17 [19:47] <TalusL>
<dumbguyvoice>"Can you teach me duh alferbet?"</dumbguyvoice>
Sun May 17 [22:07]
 * IsraelBeta is just tickled by the idea of going into a porno channel
   and spamming them with messages about safe sex and abstinence.
<Drake> Dan,i bet most of the people in the porno channels have never had
        sex or are getting any ;)
Mon May 18 [0:21]
*** TheProf is now known as hotprof
*** hotprof is now known as ProfessIsEvil
<ProfessIsEvil> That last nick was done by the wife.
*** Nathan_Roberts is now known as Call-1-800-HOTPROF
Mon May 18 [0:25]
*** TheProf is now known as ManlyProf
 * ManlyProf is a manly man who does manly things.............when my wife
   lets me.
Mon May 18 [0:54]
<Starvin_Marvin__> Alden are you hear?
<Nathan_Roberts> Alden are you see?
<StarvinMarvin> Alden are you touch?
<Nathan_Roberts> Alden are you smell?
 * StarvinMarvin guesses Alden is a rock.
Mon May 18 [1:40] <TheProf>
Sending a dcc to Alden is like eating at McDonalds. You hope for something
quick and good but mostly you get crap.
Mon May 18 [1:42]
 * AldenB looks blankly at Prof.
 * TheProf paints a happy face on Alden's blank one. There. That looks better.
Mon May 18 [2:18]
*** dog_gone was kicked by Nathan_Roberts (Excessive idling)
 * TheProf is going to hear about that one.
<TheProf> Nathan.........I have to have coffee with him tuesday.
 * TheProf can see this hot cup of coffee coming right at him.
<AldenB> Prof: Buy him orange juice. :-)
<CrowTRobt> Prof some advice
<CrowTRobt> you can pick your friends or you can pick your nose but cannot
            pick your friend's nose
Mon May 18 [2:37] <TheProf>
You know what I do when I can't sleep? I wake up the wife and tell her "Boy
do you snore like a man!" and I'm out in two seconds.
Mon May 18 [2:50]
<TheProf> Brig your college is really odd. No wonder my ancestors revolted.
 * TheProf decides to revolt again and throws his wife's tea into the sink.
<AldenB> Prof: You're revolting!
Tue May 19 [1:08]
<Whomiga> Jondar - I've seen the UAE run on a PC Emulator running on a Mac
          Emulator running on an Amiga....
<Nathan_Roberts> Who: Why does the word "Castrovalva" flash through my head?
Tue May 19 [1:27]
<CrowTRobt> anyone have a decent pic of Drake
<Whomiga> Get me a decent Drake to take a picture of :^)
 * Whomiga says after checking that Drake isn't around :^)
Wed May 20 [23:14]
*** Joins: Innocet
<Nathan_Roberts> Hi Innocet
<Nathan_Roberts> There's another person that might know about networking :)
<CrowTRobt> Innocet
<CrowTRobt> Hi ol' buddy ol' pal
<Innocet> yeeess Crow? :)
<CrowTRobt> ol' friend o' mine
<CrowTRobt> I was thinking of setting up an ethernet network here at home
<CrowTRobt> what all do I need?
<Innocet> what all do u need? hmm...
<Innocet> how many machenes ?
<CrowTRobt> two
<Innocet> well, youll need two ethernet cards
<Innocet> do you wanna go BNC or RJ45 ?
<CrowTRobt> see that is my problem
<CrowTRobt> I don't understand any of that
<Innocet> yees? i summoned my expert, ShyC :)
<Innocet> okay. ShyC will take good care of ya - hes getting online right now.
<IsraelBeta> Jennifer: You *summoned* Shyc?  What, is he some kinda
             lower demon or something?:)
<Innocet> heheh yeah something like that, Issy
*** Joins: LanMan
<Innocet> ROFL nice nick, ShyC
Wed May 20 [23:56]
<The_Sentry> This computer is so unstable...
<The_Sentry> I call it The TARDIS Pentium
<The_Sentry> Because it's so unreliable
<The_Sentry> Every so often it goes into "Bitch Mode"
<The_Patient> ack is your computer called 'Tegan' ?
<Whomiga> The TARDIS Pentium in Tegan mode
Thu May 21 [0:48]
<Gypsy> i just did a search on internic for a domain site query,, and cant
        find any entry for yahoo
<Nathan_Roberts> Did you try "yahoo" or ""?
<TheProf> Try Yahoo.Yippie.
 * Nathan_Roberts fwaps Prof
<TheProf> Sorry. I don't know what came over me.
 * TheProf slaps Nathan_Roberts around a bit with a large Beanie
 * Nathan_Roberts slaps TheProf around a bit with a rocket-powered Dalek
 * TheProf slaps Nathan_Roberts around a bit with a large Beanie Baby
 * Nathan_Roberts slaps TheProf around a bit with a baby Dalek
 * TheProf slaps Nathan_Roberts around a bit with a large Bill Gates Beanie.
 * Nathan_Roberts slaps TheProf around a bit with the Mallet of Rassilon (tm)
 * TheProf slaps Nathan_Roberts around a bit with the Wet Noodle of Rassalon.
 * AldenB bops Nathan and Prof's heads together.
<Nathan_Roberts> ow
 * TheProf slaps Nathan_Roberts around a bit with picture of Alden
   in a bikini.
<AldenB> Ewwwww!
<AldenB> I had all those pictures burned!
 * Nathan_Roberts slaps TheProf around a bit with a picture of Sylv in a
<AldenB> Where did you get that?!
<TheProf> Looking good there Alden.
 * TheProf winks at Alden.
 * AldenB anvils Prof.
<TheProf> Fair enough.
 * AldenB fwaps Prof with a picture of Lis Sladen in a bikini.
 * AldenB runs away muahahaing.
 * Nathan_Roberts grabs the picture from Alden, lights a match and waves
   it menaceingly
 * TheProf snatches the photo out of Alden's hands........This isn't Lis!!!
   This is Nick Courtney!!
Thu May 21 [3:03]
[AldenB SOUND] mel.wav
<CrowTRobt> That is not a wav of mel screaming it is of you isn't it Alden?
<AldenB> Crow: I was wearing abnormally tight underwear that day.
Thu May 21 [12:27]
<MrBubonic> come to think of it... Destroy all monster's plot feels a bit
            DrWhoish... :)
<Nathan_Roberts> Warning!  Slightly on-topic conversation erupting!
<Drake> Godzilla vs Doctor Who
<MrBubonic> Yes! ;)
<Nathan_Roberts> Hahahahaha
<Nathan_Roberts> Godzilla vs. the Daleks... Godzilla vs. the Cybermen...
                 Godzilla vs. the Ice Warriors...
<Drake> exterminate............stomp.................
        you will be cybernised..............stomp...........
Thu May 21 [21:18]
 * Jondar finished Option Lock - I found it to be very good, kept me
<yatesy> jondar: plot please
<Jondar> Yatesy: Erm... *tries to think of a spoilerless summary* Doc8 and
         Sam get caught up in nuclear intrigue
<Nathan_Roberts> Spoilerless summary: The Doctor and companion land somewhere.
                 Something happens.  The Doctor and companion leave.
Thu May 21 [21:26]
 * Nathan_Roberts chokes
<Nathan_Roberts> Ugh... What in the name of God is that smell???
 * Nathan_Roberts closes the window
 * Whomiga passes around gas masks
<Nathan_Roberts> Did California just get another biochemical weapons attack?
<Jondar> Nathan: yeah, it's called smog :)
Sat May 23 [17:23]
 * TheProf can't draw a strait line. ----_____----_-__-______------____- See.
[He also can't spell a straight word.]
Sat May 23 [17:28]
<TheProf> brb. Someone at the door.
<TheProf> Hmmmmmm. It's a Mr Death or something. He says he has come about
          some Grim reaping.
Sat May 23 [17:31]
<DeadProf> Nathan did you know you shared your birthday with Bill Gates?
<Nathan_Roberts> Get outta town!
 * Borusa gets into the car and drives out of Southampton.
<Borusa> Ok, I'm out of town, now what?
<Nathan_Roberts> Come back here so I can fwap you!!
[BTW, I looked it up.  Prof is full of it.  Says right here, see?  <points>]
Sat May 23 [17:32]
<DeadProf> Nathan's nightmare. Bill Gates is his long lost brother. What
           will win his heart? His morals or a few Billion Dollers?n
<DeadProf> I personally go for the cash. I can buy someone elses morality
           with that kind of cash.
<AldenB> Prof: You'd think they'd come up with an alias like "Roberts"?
         If have thought is anyone was Bill's brother, they'd have a last
         name more like "Dates" or "Mates" or "B....  hold that thought.
Sat May 23 [17:36]
<Nathan_Roberts> Apparently Bill Gates' birthday is October 28th
<AldenB> Hmm, 36 days after mine, and 36 is 6 squared, and three of them
         make 666.
<AldenB> !!!!
<AldenB> Oh, wait, it's 39 days after mine.  Oh well.
 * AldenB forgot about leap year.
<The_Talus> uh, Alden, leap year only makes a difference of like 1 day.
<AldenB> I know, I was testing to see if anyone was paying attention.
<The_Talus> oh, I thought maybe you'd snuck over here and got some
            American education in math :-)
Sat May 23 [18:28]
<BadDayProf> It is my birthday. I am getting old. My Beanie baby is going
             to be late in ariving by a week. My parents and sister are out
             of town. My wife works late tonight and I am stuck celebrating
             my birthday with three cats, one cupcake and a candle and no
<AldenB> Awwwwww!  Poor Prof!
 * CrowTRobt weeps
<Nathan_Roberts_Away> Ugh
<BadDayProf> Ad to that it won't rain.
<BadDayProf> They promised me rain but it isn't happening.
<Borusa> Happy Birthday to you
<Borusa> Happy Birthday to you
<Borusa> Happy Birthday to Prof
<Borusa> Happy Birthday to you.
<CrowTRobt> Many happy returns of the day to you, Prof
<BadDayProf> LOL. Thanks Borusa. I needed something.
 * Nathan_Roberts_Away rubs two sticks together to light Prof's candle
 * BadDayProf scrapes around and finds an old lighter.
<BadDayProf> With my luck I will light this puppy and it will explode.
 * BadDayProf lights his candle.
 * BadDayProf makes a wish and blows out the candle.
 * BadDayProf notices his wish didn't come true.
<AldenB> Prof: Which wish?
<CrowTRobt> What did you wish for Prof?
<BadDayProf> Guess.
<The_Talus> Prof: well, asking for Lis Sladen to do a table dance for you
            was asking a bit much. :-)
Sat May 23 [23:56]
<The_Talus> Nathan: I checked out your page earlier.  Your quote collection
            makes mine look pathetic by comparison.
<Nathan_Roberts> Really?
<Nathan_Roberts> Are you talking about the full collection or just the
                 "Wit and wisdom" section?
<The_Talus> Nathan: both
<The_Talus> My entire collection takes me about three minutes to read.
            Your "Wit and Wisdom" alone took longer than that.
<Nathan_Roberts> Most of it was blatently ripped off :)
<The_Talus> Nathan: so's mine.  About 50% comes from my Little Zen Page A
            Day Calendar.  Tho all of my quotes are attributed :-)
<AldenB> I was thinking of doing one half the size of Nathan's and calling
         it "Half Wit and Wisdom"
Sun May 24 [3:18]
*** Joins: TheProf
<Nathan_Roberts_Away> Prof finally shows up!
<TheProf> Hello gentlemen and Nathan.
<AldenB> Prof!
<AldenB> Your wife let you out at last? :-)
 * TheProf bows. How may I be of service to you good sirs?
 * AldenB points Prof to the broom in the corner. ;-)
 * TheProf begins to sweep the room, bashing Alden twice in the head with
   it in the process.
Sun May 24 [3:32]
<Nathan_Roberts> Services are offline.
<Nathan_Roberts> (Or split off or something)
<Nathan_Roberts> They've been fading in and out all night
<TheProf> They are having a midlife crisis.
Sun May 24 [3:37]
[Prof and Alden are discussing Adric cursors]
<TheProf> I have an Adric suggestion. Have K-9 blast him--TheProfess
<TheProf> The wife had an even more grusome plan for Adric that didn't
          quite work for a cursor due to its complex nature and need for
          props.............Nathan I am very scared now.
<AldenB> Prof: What was the complex plan? ;-)
<TheProf> It involved ferrits, shrews, little bits of raw meat, ropes and
          fire crackers..........I'm really getting very scared.
Sun May 24 [3:43]
<AldenB> I owe the tax department $83
<TheProf> Not bad.......I got money back. :o)
<AldenB> I got money back.... once.
<TheProf> $2.93?
<AldenB> No... it was more.
<TheProf> $4.32?
<AldenB> It turned out I'd paid too much of my student loan back.
<TheProf> You paid more than you borrowed? I guess the math classes didn't
          do you any good. --The Profess.
<TheProf> Maybe I should come teach math there--The Profess.
 * AldenB imagines the detention halls....
<AldenB> chains feature heavily. ;-)
<AldenB> Maybe I could get a special benifit for not haivng a life.
<TheProf> No life. $300 deduction. If the only female name in your address
          book is your mom you get a $500 deduction.
Sun May 24 [4:03]
<TheProf> I am also for Jo grant bashing.
<AldenB> What's wrong with Jo?!
<TheProf> She is as bright as a pet rock.
<Nathan_Roberts> So are you, Prof
<AldenB> Er... so?
<TheProf> She has a nice tush but not a brain in her pretty little body.
<Nathan_Roberts> (Hey, Crow said it, I didn't :)
<TheProf> Reallly>?
 * TheProf looks around for crow.....sees nobodt but nathan in a Crow outfit.
<Nathan_Roberts> Remember?  How he got a pet rock and named it Brian? >:)
 * Nathan_Roberts gets Prof some glasses
<TheProf> LOL. True he did do that the bugger.
<TheProf> I already have some.
<Nathan_Roberts> Well put them on already! :)
<TheProf> They have champagne in them.
 * Nathan_Roberts fwaps Prof
 * TheProf puts on the glasses and gets all wet.
 * Nathan_Roberts decides he needs a pet rock with the name Brian as well
<TheProf> Waste of good jug champagne.
Sun May 24 [22:07]
 * Nathan_Roberts_Away proceeds to install a second 5.25" drive into
   the Phoenix (since he had to take the 3.5" out for the TARDIS Pentium)
<IsraelBeta> Nathan: Nurse!  I need equipment here!  Soldering iron?
             Soldering iron.  Hard drive?  Hard drive.....
Mon May 25 [1:01] <AnnoyedProf>
The scene cut from K-9 & Company had K-9 getting a computer virus and
Sarah had to blow his head off with a shotgun.
Mon May 25 [1:03]
<Nathan_Roberts> I dunno why, but I suddenly had this crazy idea for a
<TheProf> Nathan if you did and she saw it remmeber. You are only a two
          hour drive away from death.
Mon May 25 [2:07]
<CrowTRobt> Prof I'm looking at your new picture
<CrowTRobt> no mustache? I'll just have to fix that!
 * CrowTRobt opens paint
<Nathan_Roberts> Bwahahaha!
<Nathan_Roberts> I know what you should do...
<CrowTRobt> what?
<Nathan_Roberts> Take a picture of Dark Helmet from Spaceballs with his
                 face mask up and paste Prof's face there :)
Mon May 25 [2:26]
<TheProf> I'm finding an interesting Lis thread in newsgroup

<AldenB> Prof: Ooooh, what's it about?
<AldenB> Tying Lis up with lingerie and spanking her?
 * AldenB looks around, sees all the people staring and decides to shut up.
Mon May 25 [3:17]
<TheProf> If any of you are wondering yes my wife does have a passing
          resembalance to Lis.
<Nathan_Roberts> That must make for an..... interesting... marriage
<TheProf> I mentioned that once to her and she told me it works both ways.
          She always like Jerry Lewis as the nutty professor.
Mon May 25 [17:17]
<Camping-Doc2> i love my tot tweet........
 * Nature_Girl_Grace grabs Doc's recorder and fwaps him, causing him
   to regenerate 6 times
Mon May 25 [21:52]
 * chrisk taps the useless "Windows" keys on his keyboard.
 * Nathan_Roberts_Away watches Chris's TV explode
<IsraelBeta> Nathan: Oh, that wacky Bill Gates.:)
Mon May 25 [21:57]
<IsraelBeta> Nathan: So, HTQF?:)
<Nathan_Roberts> DA.
Tue May 26 [1:01]
 * MrBubonic is actually insane
<Nathan_Roberts_Away> You weren't before?
<MrBubonic> But don't tell anyone *giggle*
<MrBubonic> Working...
<MrBubonic> Got a Mac now... He can't send mail...
<Nathan_Roberts_Away> Is he forgetting to put the stamp on?
 * MrBubonic sighs
 * MrBubonic enters his dalek casing
<MrBubonic> ---lock on target---
 * MrBubonic EXT-ER-MI-NATEs Nathan_Roberts_Away
Tue May 26 [2:54]
 * AldenB gets no spam at all.
<TheProf> No you get Balonga.
 * Nathan_Roberts fwaps Prof
<TheProf> Nathan I didn't deserve that!
<Nathan_Roberts> Why not?
<TheProf> Now I got the wife standing over me going "And you misspelled
          that and what were you trying to spell there?"
Tue May 26 [4:53]
<AldenB> Anyway, Prof pressured me into making a Sarah Jane theme. :-)
<AldenB> I have gained new appreciation for the work you put into those
         themes. :-)
<Nathan_Roberts> Yeah.  You catch flak for every little flaw. ;)
<Jondar> Nathan: _especially_ from Prof :)
<Nathan_Roberts> You'd get even more from me if I was asking for a theme ;)
<Nathan_Roberts> "There's a pixel in the wrong place!"
<Jondar> Why didn't Prof just ask me to do it :)
 * AldenB thinks he was the nearest victim^H^H^H^H^H^HWindows
   literate person.
<AldenB> Hmm, the Windows95 sucks! theme. :-)
<AldenB> "Oh no, not again!" every time there's an error....
<AldenB> "Allright!  Rock!" for the shutdown. %-)
Tue May 26 [20:24]
 * Drake spoils Titanic....................DiCaprio can't act...........
Wed May 27 [0:36]
<CrowTRobot> call 1-900-stupid-wanker and talk to the girl of your
             dreams who is really a greasy man disgusing his voice
<AldenB> <bass> Hello, my name is *cough, cough*
         <high-pitched> ello, my name is Cindy"
Wed May 27 [3:12]
<BorgSlayer> how many tardis(s) have there being
<BorgSlayer> how many tardis(s) have there being
<BorgSlayer> how many tardis(s) have there being
<CrowTRobt> one
<CrowTRobt> one
<CrowTRobt> one
Wed May 27
<Nathan_Roberts> I've heard of a program called Spam Hater; it's supposed
                 to analyze spam and see where it actually came from, and
                 send a variety of responses.  Trouble is, it doesn't do
                 fake bounces
<CrowTRobt> Respose only entice them to send more garbage and sell your
            addy to other lists.  Bounce messages are the only thing
            that works
<AldenB> That and hunting them down and disembowling them with their own tie.
Wed May 27 [23:48]
*** Joins: BeanieProf
<BeanieProf> Hello folks.
 * BeanieProf has eaten more Happy meals than I can count and you know what?
   I am not really happy.
<Whomiga> Prof - loose your special method of getting Teeny Beenie Babies?
<BeanieProf> Sort of. I got all my Teenies I needed for myself. Then my
             stepmother got sick and she needed some for her own collection
             so I bought 12 Happy Meals today.
<Nathan_Roberts_Away> Should have brought me along Prof... I could have made
                      short work of 12 Happy Meals ;)
 * Whomiga puts "Don't invite Nathan to McDonalds" on his don't do list
Wed May 27 [23:57]
 * AldenB wonders what the death rate is from eating McDonald's food.
<No-Life-Talus> Alden: 1 to 1.  Everyone who eats there dies eventually :-)
Thu May 28 [0:15]
 * BeanieProf is eating popcorn. he can only type with one hand because the
   popcorn is so buttery. so this is what it is like to have cybersex.
Thu May 28 [10:51] <MrBubonic>
I like the b&w era a lot... crappy sfx looks a lot better in b&w... :)
Thu May 28 [22:46]
*** Joins: AldenB
<NemoDream> Hi wise one!
<Nathan_Roberts> Wise One or Wise Guy? <ducks>
<AldenB> Nathan: Or wise ass? ;-)
Thu May 28 [23:03]
<CrowTRobt> Are there people still using old netscape betas exclusively?
<CrowTRobt> Nate don't count
<Jondar> Crow: I don't think so, at least, not according to my stats
<Jondar> the lowest graphical browsers to be used were Netscape and
         MSIE versions 2
<Jondar> Lynx popped up 115 times
<CrowTRobt> that was the 115 times Nate visited then
Fri May 29 [0:03]
 * TheProf has lost his voice.
 * Jondar sets TheProf -v (Now he really has lost his voice :) )
Fri May 29 [3:19]
 * Whomiga is considering upgrading my Mom's graphics card from 1MB to
   2MB of Display Memory
 * TheProf is concidering upgrading his mom.
Fri May 29 [3:22]
 * TheProf is getting sicker.
 * TheProf thinks he has plague.
 * TheProf is not sure and goes back to playing with his rat.
Fri May 29 [3:27]
<TheProf> Ohhhhhhh. They are selling the thigh master on TV.
<AldenB> I am the thigh master, and you will obey me.
Fri May 29 [3:46]
 * AldenB remembers he has Monday off and goes "Yaaay!"
<TheProf> Actually we just got a new holiday here in America.
          October 12th will now be a holiday.
<TheProf> It's the day the Food and Drug Administration aproved Viagra.
 * Nathan_Roberts does not ask how this holiday is supposed to be observed
 * TheProf looks and sees it is national pickle week.
<AldenB> National pickle week??
<TheProf> We will name anything national whatever week.
<AldenB> You have weeks devoted to pickles?
<Whomiga> And just about everything else too, Alden
 * AldenB wonders when National "Be an asshole" week is.
<TheProf> Alden we call it election week here.
Thu May 28 [4:00]
<Jondar> Neuseeland = German for New Zealand
<TheProf> Geekland American for Silicon valley.
Thu May 28 [4:04]
<TheProf> I just had a cat jump on my head.
<TheProf> She clawed my head.
<AldenB> Prof: Who, the cat or your wife?
Thu May 28 [4:07]
<TheProf> I put up a Katy Manning with a Dalek as wallpaper once.
<TheProf> Wife saw it and went "What is this!!". I told her it was the
          best Dlake photo I could find.
Thu May 28 [4:08]
<TheProf> DALEK!!!!
<TheProf> Good lord.
 * TheProf writes Dalek 100 times on the chalkboard.
<Nathan_Roberts> for( i = 0; i < 100; i++ ) { printf( "Dalek\n" ); }
Sat May 30 [2:39]
<Jondar> Nathan: should I bother asking about the quotefile, or would I
         get fwapped? :)
 * Nathan_Roberts fwaps Jondar
<Jondar> right, that answers that question :)
Sat May 30 [2:40]
<AldenB> Talus: While the Internet is in existence, there will be idiots
         on it.
 * AldenB knows this, because there is no way you'd keep him off it. ;-)
Sat May 30 [2:45]
<TheProf> How can someone that dumb make a web site and I can't!!!!!
<The_Talus> Prof: two words, Netscape Composer
Sat May 30 [2:50] <TheProf>
I love this other site. It says "Be sure to hit refresh as we update this
site often" Then under it it says Last update November 12 1997.
Sat May 30 [2:51]
 * TheProf hits refresh on his update yet. I'll wait
   five minutes and try again.
Sat May 30 [2:53]
 * TheProf hits refresh again............nope. Nothing yet.
Sat May 30 [3:28]
 * Nathan_Roberts goes over Crow's trip to next century and falls off
   the chair laughing :D
<AldenB> Crow's trip to next century?
 * AldenB can't have been here for that one. :)
<TheProf> Crow lives in Alabama. For him that trip would be to
          the 20th century.
Sat May 30 [3:32]
 * AldenB fwaps the Prof with last week's TV guide.
<TheProf> Ohhhhhh. Xena on the cover.
<AldenB> Prof: How did you know?!?!
<TheProf> It was either that or Sheep.
Sat May 30 [3:49]
 * Jondar sells Alden's address to spammers
<AldenB> Oi! :-)
 * Nathan_Roberts_Away sells Jondar's address to the Devil >:)
<AldenB> Nathan: I did that with Prof's already/
<Nathan_Roberts_Away> Alden: Did WHAT with Prof's?
<AldenB> Sold it to the Devil. >;-)
<Nathan_Roberts_Away> Wasn't that redundant? >:)
Sat May 30 [4:01]
<Whomiga> Is Nathan working on the Quotefile?
<Nathan_Roberts_Away> Yes, Nathan is.
 * AldenB has to ask him if he's put Alden's picture on the page
   of Shattered Illusions yet. :-)
<Nathan_Roberts_Away> No, he hasn't
<Nathan_Roberts_Away> Actually, he has a bunch of stuff to do relating to
                      his pages piling up in his inbox :/
<Nathan_Roberts_Away> He's also starting to wonder why he's referring to
                      himself in the third person here...
<AldenB> Eeep.  No hurry. :-)
<AldenB> I'll just kill anyone who makes an ironing joke. ;-)
 * Nathan_Roberts_Away does not make an ironing joke about Alden.
 * Nathan_Roberts_Away makes a coppering joke about Alden
Sat May 30 [4:44]
 * Nathan_Roberts_Away looks over the current work on the quotefile and
   discovers why Prof thought I was doing such a good job on it
<Nathan_Roberts_Away> Every second quote is his :)
Sat May 30 [18:43]
 * NemoDream is thinking about .....
 * AldenB thinks
<Whomiga> Alden - probably have no problem with that one - except no
          one will be able to get to it...
<AldenB> Heh, I don't think _I_ would be able to get there!
Sat May 30 [23:13]
<IsraelBeta> Great, I just got spam from someone named putridcorpse.
<Nathan_Roberts> Is MrB going around spamming people now? ;)
Sat May 30 [23:18]
*** Quits: NemoDream (Quit: ****NemoDreaming****)
*** Parts: XMason
*** Parts: Gypsy
<ZepFreak> they're dropping fast, three in two minutes
<IsraelBeta> Make that four.  Night all.
*** Parts: IsraelBeta
<dse> only 5 people left
<Nathan_Roberts> ::BANG:: Make that 4.
Sat May 30 [23:30]
 * Nathan_Roberts is working on the web browser museum
<Nathan_Roberts> And I still haven't figured out where I'm gonna get web
                 space for it :/
 * ZepFreak sends Nathan a spider to make him some more web space.
Sun May 31 [0:41]
<Nathan_Roberts> Quotefile update: May 23
<Jondar> <commentator>"We're here at the monthly game of listening for
         quotefile updates, Nathan is currently up to May 23. Let's keep
         listening to see what's happening..."</commentator>
Sun May 31 [0:50]
*** Quits: TheProf (Connection reset by peer)
 * The_Talus lights some more candles and tries to see into the future. In
   a few moments, Prof will return, cursing Prodigy.
<Jondar> Talus: either that, or he'll fwap Prodigy into next week :)
<The_Talus> Jondar: well, you predict the future your way, I'll predict it
            mine :-)
*** Quits: dse (Connection reset by peer)
 * Jondar predicts that dse will return - though whether he'll return
   cursing is another matter :)
<Nathan_Roberts> Hmmm...
<Nathan_Roberts> Prof hasn't come back
<Nathan_Roberts> Cursing or otherwise
<Nathan_Roberts> DSE hasn't come back
<Nathan_Roberts> The score so far...
<Nathan_Roberts> Talus: 0
<Nathan_Roberts> Jondar: 0
<Nathan_Roberts> Peer: 2
 * The_Talus jumps in his TARADIS (Time And Relative Alternate
   Dimensions In Space) and finds a dimension where Prof and Doug
   have returned by now
<Nathan_Roberts> You only get the points while you stay in that dimension :)
<The_Talus> drat
 * The_Talus wants at least something for Creativity.
 * Jondar hands Talus a crayon for creativity
<Nathan_Roberts> The score: Talus: Lim 1/x x->infinity
<The_Talus> Nate: what is that score in English?  I don't speak mathematics.
<Nathan_Roberts> I'm not telling. >:)
 * The_Talus tries to use the mindprobe on Nathan, but notices someone's
   stolen the batteries.
 * The_Talus notices some pink fur near the mindprobe and thinks he
   knows who stole the batteries.
 * Jondar catches the Energizer bunny and hands Talus some batteries
<The_Talus> thanks Jondar, and while you've got him, how's about pulling
            the battery out of his back?  That drum's getting annoying.
            He can't even play the drum solo from Ena Goda Dovida on it.
 * Jondar takes all the batteries out and places the bunny on the floor
<Nathan_Roberts> ::ominous foot-shaped shadow slowly appears and grows
                 over the bunny over the floor::
<Nathan_Roberts> splat
<Jondar> that's a wav we need, The Death of the Energizer Bunny :)
<The_Talus> YES!  Splat the Bunny!
 * Nathan_Roberts thinks ugly
 * Nathan_Roberts thinks evil...
 * Nathan_Roberts thinks.............. BUNNYFLY.WAV!!!!!!!!!!!!
<Jondar> ROTFL
<Nathan_Roberts> Oh yes!
<Nathan_Roberts> I have the greatest idea!
<Jondar> Oh-oh, I hate it when he gets that meglomaniacal look in his eyes...
<Nathan_Roberts> This is the Energizer bunny with twin strap-on solid
                 rocket boosters!
<Nathan_Roberts> ::thump thump thump thump thump thump thump thump:: WHOOSH
<Nathan_Roberts> thump thump thump <fades away>
<Nathan_Roberts> As you can see, he keeps going, and going, and going..............
 * The_Talus imagines the Bunny turning up on Gallifrey in a million
   years or so, and the Time Lords thinking he's some kind of alien invader.
Sun May 31 [1:44]
 * AldenB thinks Quotefile desktoptheme.
Sun May 31 [18:40]
*** Quits: AldenB (Dead Socket)
*** Joins: AldenB
<The_Talus> Dead Socket?  I've not seen that one before
<AldenB> Eeep!  What was that?
*** Quits: AldenB (Dead Socket)
*** Joins: AldenB
 * AldenB will not type /who * again, he promises.
Sun May 31 [21:58]
<AldenB> Go Go GetRight!!
<Jondar> ?
<talavera> go go gophers
<MegL> go go speed racer
<Nathan_Quotefiling> Go go Gadget Quotefile!

If you have any comments, suggestions, or submissions for the #drwhochat Quotefile, E-Mail me.

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