The #drwhochat Quotefile
Special Feature:

The Art of Designing a Modern Web Page and Other Disasters

Wed May 06 [23:05]
<IsraelBeta> My new pet hate about sites now is image cubes.
<TalusL> image cubes?
<AldenB> Image cubes?
<CrowTRobt> image cubes?
<MegL> image cubes?
<CrowTRobt> oh boy
<CrowTRobt> something new
<AldenB> Image cubes?
<CrowTRobt> I better get one up soon
<AldenB> Not those stupid revolving cubes?
<IsraelBeta> Alden: Yup, that's them.
<CrowTRobt> lessee huge images, browser crashing java, and image cubes. All
            must haves for modern web pages
<CrowTRobt> oh and no text. make all your text into gif images!
<CrowTRobt> all web pages to be considered modern must have 1. no text.
            all text is in the form of gif images. 2. lots of browser
            crashing java applets. 3. image cube. 4 images so huge you have
            to constantly scroll back and forth.
<Whomiga> jpegs at 100% quality
 * CrowTRobt sets about creating a modern web page
<Whomiga> Crow - what is the URL going to be - so I can avoid it
<Whomiga> Crow - frames with a No-Frames section cursing out the person for
          not having a frames capable browser
<CrowTRobt> you #$%#$# get a real browser!
<TalusL> and don't forget cookies, lots of f****n cookies.
<Whomiga> Of course!
<CrowTRobt> oh yeah cookies
 * TalusL hates cookies beyond words
<AldenB> And every graphic is a seperate file, even it they're identical.
<Whomiga> More cookies the Girl Scouts sell in a year!
<TalusL> lol, Whom
<Nathan_Roberts> LOL
*** IsraelBeta changes topic to "Tonight: How To Build The Web Page From Hell"
*** Nathan_Roberts changes topic to "Tonight: How To Build The Web Page From
    Hell: Look at it in Lynx. If you can see anything, keep working."
<Whomiga> hehe
<CrowTRobt> Thats why all text must be gif images
<TalusL> don't forget the 5mb background image
<CrowTRobt> big gif iages that take forever to load
<IsraelBeta> Crow: And the text needs to be blinking.
*** Nathan_Roberts changes topic to "Tonight: How To Build The Web Page From
    Hell: Look at it in Lynx. If you can see anything, keep working. See
    also: How to get 0 hits on your web page."
<Whomiga> NO alt="" or even better alt="Get a f****g browser that can see
          pictures, you $%^%#$^%"
<TalusL> and inline quicktime movies on the main page
<CrowTRobt> and the background sound too
<CrowTRobt> hahahha
<TalusL> better yet, the quicktimes are home movies
<Whomiga> Dan - we don't have any text - although an animated gif could do
          the blinking text quite nicely
<Nathan_Roberts> I was about to suggest making them porno movies or some
                 such, but then some people would actually consider that
<AldenB> How about quicktime movies of paint drying?
<Nathan_Roberts> ROTFL
<Starfury> lol
<CrowTRobt> LOL
<TalusL> nate: rofl
<Starfury> LOTS and LOTS of blinking text.
<CrowTRobt> no all text shall be gif images
<AldenB> Blinking text in every colour under the rainbow.
<CrowTRobt> with no alt tags
<Nathan_Roberts> More like, animated GIFs of text that, instead of blinking,
                 scrolls.  Faster than any human could reasonably be expect
                 to read ity.
<AldenB> Crow: Yeah, animated gifs....
 * Starfury loathes blinking text. I hate blinking text even more than I
   hate lima beans. more even than I hate bad sitcoms.
<TalusL> Crow: if there's no text, what's gonna blind people while they're
         waitong on the graphics to load?
<AldenB> Becky: THat much?!
<Starfury> CrowTRobt: how about blinking animated gif text?
 * Whomiga did see a page that was supposed to be a live picture of someone's
   wall (Under scrutiny it was a joke by the maker - something like this
   idea - it was just a picture of the wall - not live at all)
<CrowTRobt> What should we call this masterpiece?
<AldenB> Crow: Frankenpage?
<Nathan_Roberts> Bwahahahahaa
<TalusL> Crow: Too Much Time On Our Hands?
<CrowTRobt> LOL
<Nathan_Roberts> LOL
<Nathan_Roberts> The Mickey Mouse Job page >:)
<Whomiga> The TMTOOH page!
<Nathan_Roberts> Actually, the proper answer to Crow's original question,
                 "What should we call this masterpiece?" is, "Crap."
<TalusL> lol, Nate
<TalusL> tho "Modern Art" also comes to mind....
<Nathan_Roberts> Hahahaa
<CrowTRobt> The Crap page! with inline avi movies of dog crap turning white
            in the sun
<Nathan_Roberts> Yee-hah!
<AldenB> Or should we call it the XXX site to lure in all the perverts and
         crash their browsers? ;-)
<Nathan_Roberts> Wahahahaha!
<TalusL> Alden: that sounds like a plan
<Nathan_Roberts> Getting Hey!
<Whomiga> The Killer Webpage (And we mean it!!!)
<Nathan_Roberts> While we're at it...
<Nathan_Roberts> Put in a whole bunch of all kinds of lots of bogus EMail
                 addresses for Spammers to find >:)
<Nathan_Roberts> Like root@
<CrowTRobt> hahahaha
<Whomiga> Even better - everyone give us the addresses all the spammers use as
          return addresses - they go on there
 * AldenB has put those on his page. ;-)
<Nathan_Roberts> ROTFLMAO
<TalusL> Nate: how about real addys for the FBI, FCC, etc...
<Nathan_Roberts> Bwahahahaha!
<CrowTRobt> hehehehe
<Nathan_Roberts> LOL!  Spammers spamming spammers!
<Nathan_Roberts> Network meltdown!
<Whomiga> The President, Vice-President - I'm sure they don't get enough
          mail anyway
 * IsraelBeta pictures Nathan doing his best Dr. Frankenstein.:)
<Nathan_Roberts> That's a great idea!  Everyone, whenever you get a spam,
                 send it to Crow and have him put the return address on the
                 page >:)
<AldenB> ROTFL!
<Nathan_Roberts> And post it all to all the all-spam newsgroups...
*** TheProf has joined #drwhochat
<CrowTRobt> Hi Prof
<Nathan_Roberts> Ah, just the man we need... >:)
<IsraelBeta> Prof!  Now the evil can truly begin!:)
<TalusL> Hiya Prof
<Whomiga> Spammers don't let Spammers spam Spammers?
<Whomiga> Hi Prof
<Nathan_Roberts> SSSS... Isn't that taking alliteration a bit far?
 * TheProf always hates canned meats of any kind.
<AldenB> Hello Prof.
 * TalusL wonders if we could get the spammers all caught in a loop
   spamming each other, so they leave everyone else alone
<Nathan_Roberts> Talus: That's the idea :)
<Whomiga> LOL
<IsraelBeta> Talus: Ooh, a chronic spam-teresis.:)
<Whomiga> ROTFLMAO!!!!
<Nathan_Roberts> What we really need to do is to put all this somewhere on a
                 page that gets lots of hits...
<Whomiga> Nathan - I see a new section for the Quote File here
 * TalusL wonders how spammers react when they get spammed. "Hey! I don't
   get spammed, I SEND spam!"
<Whomiga> Your history of Browsers page could have this bad page as a killer
          browser page
<Whomiga> or is that Browser Killer page?
<Nathan_Roberts> Browser killer, more like :)
<CrowTRobt> The java is the killer
<IsraelBeta> I'm a browser killer, twisted browser killer!:)
 * Whomiga does no Java
<TalusL> no, I'm the killer after clicking "refuse" on the 500th cookie.
<CrowTRobt> lots of inane java applets that do noting but crash the browser
<CrowTRobt> hahahahaha
<TalusL> "inane java applet" is redundent
<Nathan_Roberts> I don't think very highly of Java
<IsraelBeta> This page designed by Web Hell Page Design.  Causing the
             traffic accidents on the information superhighway.
<Whomiga> Actually - I think there is actually a limit on how many cookies
          can be given out to a single person by a site - but we WILL max
          that out
<TalusL> lol, IB
<Nathan_Roberts> Trouble is, they've changed the "Computer Hardware Support"
                 certificate program at the local community college to
                 include a Java class.
<AldenB> Issy: Muahahahaha!
<Nathan_Roberts> Let's just say, I'm not considering that certificate anymore.
<IsraelBeta> Web Hell Page Design.  There ain't a browser made *yet* that we
             can't crash!
<CrowTRobt> Nate take just to say you have it
 * TalusL wants to teach a "Java class" that's an entire semester on making
<Nathan_Roberts> I don't WANT to be able to say I have it!
<Whomiga> Lets see what type do you want espresso?
<IsraelBeta> Talus: Everyone goes in expecting to lean code and the first
             lesson is on distinguishing Jamaican Gold Blend from Arabica?:)
<TalusL> exactly IB
<CrowTRobt> java is the "wave of the future" :P
<Nathan_Roberts> Crow: I've have never been more frightened in my life.
<TalusL> and of course, there is an obligatory class session on "removing
         spilled java from your keyboard"
<Whomiga> Was tea the wave of the past ? (When they were tossing it
          overboard in the Boston Tea Party)

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